https://www.pinterest.com/pin/421086633883547089/

A couple days ago I hung out with my friends, We had sukiyaki as dinner together after work. On our way back home, my friend was driving me home (she is the best, so sweet driving me home each and every time we hang out) and we were chitchatting as always and we suddenly talked about how people choose their partners because of their body - well, I mean penis, to be more precise. To be even more precise: they leave or stay with this person depending on the size of his penis.

We talked about penises, oh yes why not. We shared our thoughts with each other about some people couldn't shut up about this 'Oh, yeah, I can't feel anything in bed with other men.'- kind of thing.

Hold on, for the record, I have no problem with people who make sex life as their priority in their lives. This is just something I heard quite a lot and want to share some of  my insights.

Here are some points I want to lay out and run them through later on:

- Define 'big size', it's subjective.
- Is physical pleasure the only thing we want in our sex lives ?
- Is loving someone's body the same as loving that person?

Okay then *rolling sleeves*. Firstly, the size of a penis is not something scientifically proved related to pleasure during sex. I think there are many things worse than size actually, plus it's totally subjective if something is big or small.

If pleasure is what we seek during sex, there is much more happening than just a penis, foreplay, massage, oil stuff or even just a nice comfortable bed. Sex is a comprehensive sensational experience, not only intercourse, well at least not every time.

Secondly, I think what we want from our sex lives is more than just pleasure. Yes people just want pleasure in occasions like booty calls. But if we are saying sex life with a partner. You probably want the intimacy with that person, some affection and admiration towards them as well.

Last but not least, if the affection towards a person is not mutual or you only like his body. I don't think that fits the definition of loving someone. When we love someone, we love the whole package. The good, the bad, the times you need to step back, the times you want to punch them in the face, all of that, you've got to take them.  Their ways of talking, their little things that make you just want to stay with them. The satisfaction is way long-termed and important to maintain a relationship. I always find a man attractive when he can take care of himself in his life, when you don't need to find excuses for him to convince yourself anything.

For me, there is a different between someone you enjoy the time with in the bedroom and someone you think about when you are ill and just want to be taken care of.

Sex life is important, sort it out if you have a problem with it, but don't simplify situations in sex lives into just big and small.

Let me know what you think and share your thoughts with me :)

Giselle x


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幾天前和摯友下班吃摸摸天堂壽喜燒 (作風老派每次吃飯都不出這五家)，回家的時候一邊在車上大聊天，聊著聊著就說到有些人會用尺寸來當作選擇伴侶的標準的這件事。 更直白的說法是: 在一段關係之中，因為尺寸而決定留下或是離開。

先說我個人在大眾對於私人感情生活的先後順序上沒有任何成見，都是個人選擇，你喜歡的選擇 我尊重你。 會說到這個話題純粹是因為我覺得還滿常聊到的 (更有可能是年紀大了吧 *啜泣* )  另一個重點: 我不是專家，我只是一個記憶力很差需要寫下來紀錄的人。

我個人覺得光這句"我愛他 (的身體) " 就有很多可以一一討論的點。

- 尺寸大小是個人主觀意見，難以囊括。
- 親密關係中，我們找尋的是什麼?
- 沉迷於一個人的身體與跟愛戀一個人的差異。

首先呢~ *咳咳*
目前沒有任何科學依據可以證明尺寸跟親密關係的感受有直接的關係。(就我所知啦...) 我覺得跟尺寸相比，有很多可以讓你覺得更糟糕的事情有機會發生。更別論一個蘿蔔一個坑，我眼中的鍋不見得是你也接受的蓋啊!

如果滿足是我們追求的要素的話，那麼達成這個要素的因子也遠多於尺寸兩個字。點個蠟燭，多做點事前準備，或是按摩等等。畢竟親密關係是個全面五感的經驗，不是只有啪啪啪而已 (呃...至少不是每一次)。

再來第二點，除了一些只跟小頭打招呼的時機 (可能混和一些酒精的成分) (又可能加上一些短期或是長期直接明瞭的慾望)，我想，如果是指單一注目對象伴侶的話，通常我們想要找尋的，不只是手摸得到的地方。我相信心靈上的情感交流也是不能忽略的，甚至是你可能要發自內心的喜歡對方。

最後呢，如果一段情感不是雙向互相的，或是你真的只享受這個人的身體，那我想這很難落入 '愛一個人' 的定義。當我們說我們愛這個人的時候，我們也會接受他的附加產物；好的，壞的，有的時候你要讓步，有的時候你要忍下半夜去掐對方的衝動，無數的爭吵，無意義的忌妒。這些林林總總，我們都要照單全收，概括承受。

有種人我無法抵抗，那種你不需要幫他的人生找藉口的人，懂得為自己決定，並對生活負責。成熟獨立的兩個人一同經營，是彼此最重要的隊友，我覺得這種人很有魅力。但是這個人不會只帶著成熟穩重而來，他也會帶著每個人接受程度不同所被定義的缺點。

這個你很享受身體的伴侶可能不是那個可以在生病不舒服的時候照顧你的人，所以單純迷戀肉體往往是很短暫的，你活著的每一年只會出產更多更多肉體啊。那位你覺得很帥的男子也有皮鬆頭禿內衣發黃的一天，那時什麼會讓你覺得他迷人呢? 如果他的談吐言語吸引你那這就離開了當初的 "我只愛他的身體"的定義。

伴侶間的性生活很重要，如果有想討論的地方請馬上跟對方處理，要是真的尺寸的問題嚴重影響你們的關係，請快點跟對方開門見山法: 拉椅子促膝長談，如果真的只有分開這個選項也不見得都是壞事，因為至少你們討論過也彼此坦誠。但是別把所有的問題都簡化成二分法，一段關係中要面對的也不是只有大跟小啊。

以上!

後記:
我很怕被打所以寫得很隱諱，這種敏感的話題我很戰戰兢兢。我也不是專家，我只是怕我女兒有天來問我我已經失智，所以一邊記錄下跟朋友的對話，還有自己的想法。

(這個後記短到我羞愧)

我們下次見

Giselle x