Why you don't need to "be yourself"
01:50 |
| Early 2017 at Green park |
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”- Oscar Wilde. You must come across some variety of this “be yourself” tagline in articles and on social media every once in a while. The advice contained in these articles is deemed to be enlightening and remind us how unique and amazing each individual is or how we should disregard other people’s opinions and do whatever we wish —Because everything will be fine if you just “be yourself”.
There is nothing wrong with being yourself.
But what if someone doesn’t like themselves? What if someone is unhappy with their status quo? Or what if someone does not like how they look?
Are their thoughts and feelings not as valid as those blissfully happy with their situation? Should they feel ashamed because they would be labelled as people who don’t “love themselves”?
Often, people who dispense the advice encouraging people to “embracing themselves” are often people who have very little to concerns about their own lives. They are a barometer of success, they’re confident, good looking, perhaps wealthy people. It is very hard to imagine these successful people reach where they are by simply “being themselves”. If this “perfect and successful” person was to walk up to you, and reassure you your life was on the right track, to just be brave and “be yourself”, you’d no doubt appreciate this almost refreshing and reassuring advice. Clearly being yourself will lead to you becoming this person you have admiration for!
However now imagine, a person who does not meet the traditional standards of success deemed by society tells you to ‘be yourself’. You would no doubt feel somewhat uncomfortable about the advice, being yourself must now be a road to ruin. Essentially, the advice is consistent, but the reaction becomes wildly different.
Our subconscious reflects the person giving the advice onto the word ‘yourself’, essentially flipping the meaning from advice to ‘be yourself’ to advice to help you ‘be like me’.
The overwhelming trumpeting on the internet about “embracing yourself” has become yet another instance of aspiring to be like others, stopping people from actually focusing their efforts on achieving something new. Merely listening to successful people talking about how they are being themselves ignores that successful people may honestly be naturally driven, hungry and talented as ‘themselves’, but I hate to break the news: you may not be.
For a totally honest version of somebody being themselves, look no further than me. My first honest action as ‘myself’ would be to yell at my boyfriend for the third time in a week to do the laundry. Secondly, I’ll wear that one big hoodie I own with no bra and no trousers to do my grocery shopping. Finally, I’ll tell my parents I actually won’t attend their planned family reunion to pretend I care about some distant relatives I haven’t seen since I could walk.
Does it feel good? Certainly. Does it get me any closer to the aspirational lives of the wealthy and beautiful people who share the sentiment online? Absolutely not.Because this world doesn’t revolve around you and acting purely in self-interest, or the interest of always ‘being yourself’ without a plan to achieve, achieves nothing. Every day there are things you will not be happy about, but simply ignoring them in a quest to always speak truth to yourself stops you from ever taking action to change any of them.
Everything in life requires balance. We are at liberty to be ourselves as much as we wish, but JUST being ourselves simply will not get us very far.
As one example, the topic of physiques: What if someone doesn't like their appearance? Are they not allowed to feel insecure about it? Is being themselves staying exactly the way they are, or is being themselves listening to their displeasure and changing their life? Simply saying ‘Just be happy with yourself’ denies people the very human right to feel sad, to feel negative, and to feel anxious about themselves.
Instead of just being yourself and settling for the present, a healthier lifestyle is to not treat negative thoughts as something wrong that needs to be fixed. Instead, treat the thoughts and feelings as a fuel to improve yourself and become closer to the person you want to be. When people take ownership of their actions, they become more genuinely authentic as a person and never stop learning.
The notion to “just be yourself” encourages complacency, where we are told stop making changes and taking risks, or told to attempt a change is a betrayal of your ‘true self’, but is that really the best way to think?
Next time you see an article suggesting “just be yourself”, maybe keep in mind that you don’t need to ‘be yourself’ if you don’t want to… What’s the harm in wanting to be Emma Watson, after all?
See you guys later xx
Giselle
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為什麼你不需要“做自己”
網路上時常充斥著一堆所謂建設性文章，告訴這個世界上所有迷惘的青年少女：做 自 己。
別去理會別人的意見，別去理會反對的聲音，別去理會社會對人們所要求的行為。只要做自己，一切都會變得很好，你會過得開心很多。
做自己沒什麼不好的。
但是如果今天我就是不喜歡自己，就是不滿意自己的外表，就是什麼都不滿意那要怎麼辦。
許多給這種“做自己”建議的人，往往在人生裡已經沒有太多的“普通人的煩惱”，可能這群建議者已經是人生勝利組。意氣風發，滿懷自信，相貌堂堂，可能還口袋滿滿。我無法輕易地同意說，這群人是單單靠著做自己而走到他們所擁有的位置的。
舉例來說，如果有一位形象“成功且完美”的人跟你說：別擔心，你只需要真實的做你自己，這樣一切問題都會迎刃而解。過度的小心翼翼這樣人生會很辛苦的...(以下省略)。 你可能會想說喔好吧也是。但是如果今天有一位形象與社會所刻板要求的形象相差甚遠，所謂的魯蛇告訴你：做你自己就好啦。你的反應可能會相差很多，或許有些人還會想說：做什麼自己，照鏡子看看你的處境，笑死人了。但其實，這兩個人說的建議，是一模一樣的。
第一個人讓你的潛意識反映出人人羨慕地那種傲視群雄又唯有獨尊的形象，好像“我這麼做我也能跟你一樣”，但是第二個人你可能會心生反感想說：別把我跟你比。
就是因為有這種傾向，我認為網路上大量的做自己文章都錯失了能幫主閱讀者能在人生中前進的機會，這類型的文章內容也就喪失其價值。因為聽成功人士說他們怎麼做自己只會誤導讀者認為自己只要做自己也可以變得成功。但是這種情狀不會發生，不論目標是什麼，只做自己是不夠的。
如果我來分享我會怎麼“真的做自己”的話，首先我先跟男友大吼叫他去給我洗那坨衣服，看到就氣；再來穿超大件起球連帽上衣，裡面什麼也不穿褲子也不用穿的去路口買個菜；再來叫餐桌上滿嘴八卦的八婆閉嘴；再打電話給爸媽說自己不去家族聚會了，那些遠房親戚一天到晚只會探人隱私口沒遮攔管東管西，什麼面子也不用做了。老實說，以上這些事情，我偶爾也會做。
但是呢，大部分的情況下我不會做這種事。因為這個地球不是為我轉的，我也不是世界的中心，沒有每件事都要以我為優先。先撇去社會對人們的成就有多少的標準，就基本而言，有些標準是深刻在這個體制下的，比如基本禮貌，比如尊重，這些都是一個社會所運行一部分。每個人多多少少都得去改變，去迎合。不開心的事情可能很多，但是大家都得付出犧牲。因為這就是人生，生活就是這樣，小至你愛的餐廳關門，大到你男友掏光戶頭遠走高飛。
我相信這世上也有例外，但是就一般而言，大部分的人都沒有辦法在人生中“只做自己”。
當然這是一個如何找到平衡的過程。別讓擔憂影響你的生活，下定決心的話也別輕言放棄，仔細聽自己的聲音等等，這些都很好。作為自己的主人你想怎麼做自己都是你的決定。但是要是你“只”做你自己的話，那可能前面路途遙遠。
網路上關於做自己的正面與鼓勵算是接近排山倒海的程度了，只是大部分的這類文章，沒有辦法真正的幫助有需要的人，反而傳達了相當片面且不適用於每個人的建議。
如果撇開社會面來說，談談更膚淺一點的，如果一個人對自己的外表不滿意，難道一個人不能被允許對自己的外表有不安全感嗎？
比起做自己，我更傾向於了解自己的短處且試圖增進自己，不管是個性還是外表，理解自己想要改變的地方，進而去用自己的步調慢慢行動，對我的個性來說，更有良好的影響。透過理解自己的不足之處而變成更好的人，我認為這才是能長久有正面效果的作法。
當然我也很歡迎不同意這些看法的人，畢竟你的人生只有你才能作主，只要清楚的知道說所有的決定也會帶來相對應的結果即可。
希望我有清楚的提出一點關於網路上充斥著做自己文章的看法，你要不要做自己或是要怎麼做自己，端看個人。
感謝收看～我們下次見～～（揮手下降）
Giselle
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