 |
| I went to Paris for the premiere vision in September, and I took this picture while I was there. |
Hello everybody,
Merry belated Christmas!! I went back home for two weeks and then spent Christmas with my in-laws. I'll have to admit the three days of food indulgence really put me into a position of having to go to the gym. But hey, it's okay.
Anyway. Today, I am writing a post to remind myself about the lessons I learned along the years. In case you don't know (I am sure no one is interested), I am about to be 25 in January. I reckon I could use this opportunity to reflect on myself and continue to be positive (hopefully) in life.
I wanted to think of 10 lessons but unfortunately I do not have that many. Perhaps at the age of 30 I can squeeze my little mighty brain and come up with more. Now I would have to stick to 7 small lessons. Here we go.
1. Deal with your emotions before dealing with your problems.
There is no secret that we are all humans and we all have emotions, I think it is absolutely normal - perhaps sometimes healthy - when we all let our emotions rant out a little. Often, emotions come with an event, or a problem behind them which triggered our emotions. For instance, I was angry at something someone did to me. But here is one thing that really help me. Before I jump to dealing with the problems, I try (at least give it a go) to deal with my mood first.
Frustration, anger, or betrayal. Maybe a mixture of all. I let myself to sit through the feelings and let them all come out. Especially anger, I do not want to say anything relentlessly just because I am furious. It's irresponsible. It is more okay if it's just frustration and sorrow. But whatever it is, let it come out.
After I calm down from my rage or sorrow. Then I can deal with the problem itself with a more matured mind and hopefully the problem would become less complicated when I am calmed down.
Admittedly, this is very hard to do. I often regret not doing it enough. But everything is a learning curve, and we will get there someday.
2. Don't make a decision when you are angry. Don't make a promise when you are happy.
Kind of continue the previous point about emotions. It is very helpful to not make a decision when you are angry. We often see people yell at each other and say something they thereafter regret. I do that sometimes, on a minor scale. We all hope we don't accidentally hurt people with things we say without thinking. On the contrary, do not make a promise when you are extremely happy. After you calm down from that emotional rollercoaster, you might regret it. It is quite harmless if it's just an impulse shopping, but sometimes people would promise big things they can't even cash them in.
3. Don't get defeated easily.
I think this is a bit of cliche and everyone knows about it. However, it can be quite hard to achieve. I've once read about the Learned helplessness theory, which is (wikipedia) behavior typical of a human or an animal and occurs where the subject endures repeatedly painful or otherwise aversive stimuli which it is unable to escape or avoid. After such experience, the organism often fails to learn or accept "escape" or "avoidance" in new situations where such behavior would likely be effective. In other words, the organism learned that it is helpless in situations where there is a presence of aversive stimuli, has accepted that it has lost control, and thus gives up trying.
I sometimes feel quite down because of things I couldn't achieve or things I hoped I could do better. And because failure is so painful I tend to avoid it or be really passive. But in my mind, I know that is part of my body mechanism and instincts. I can courage myself to give it another try. If I do my absolute best but can't reach it, then at least I have no regret. I can give myself a pad on my back knowing I am proud of myself.
I don't want to be cheesy but life really is a journey of choices and hoping we learned from our mistakes. In the next five years I will not get defeated easily.
4. Find the easiest thing to start with.
There are some underlying goals I want to reach in life besides my career. One of them is passing B2 French Test by the age 30. Why the age 30? Because I want to learn another new language after that. I have learned French for a couple months and since then I am only doing some reading at home. I tell myself one hour of the week I am going to study French.
It is not efficient, it is very slow, but I am going to do it. It is very hard to motivate myself at home with all the possible entertainment I can do. But I told myself to sit in front of the desk and find one thing that is the easiest I can do during the one hour. I am not aiming high, just the easiest.
In a couple of weeks, I find myself very familiar with French numbers, or how to introduce myself. That might seem dirt progress at all, and it will not take me to the B2 test. But I know I would have done nothing instead. So this method really helped me to at least build up a habit and make very small progress. And from the small start, it will hopefully set me off a good place and slowly getting better.
5. The more you do, the more you can do.
This was said by Anna Wintour, one of the my ultimate role models. The more you do, the more you can do. It encourages me to explore more in life. For example, I always have been studying fashion but you probably don't know I am also a certified Madarin Chinese teacher with a handful of certifications. I do not teach Mandarin as a full time job but I do freelance translation sometimes. I also learned the piano for over 10 years as well as being in a professional choir for 10 years.
At some point in life, maybe I will want to learn how to fly a plane or play the violin. Maybe learning some new languages will help me advance my career somehow, but learning more things is always good.
6. The world is so big and my problems are so small.
Human whines about almost everything. I do too. But sometimes, when I am so into all the complaints I've done. I would step back and think about not wasting my time at being angry to the world when I am blessed to live another day. Okay maybe it doesn't help much, but it is always good to think about how lucky I am and how I should appreciate what I have.
Grass is greener on the other side, technically there is only one person living 'better' out of the rest 7 billion people. And when I realise how lucky I am. I would want to help others and be more grateful for what I have.
7. Luck is the meeting of preparation and opportunities.
There is a say (I think?) of lucky people make their own luck. Maybe it's because lucky people see a lot of things as opportunities and they do not stop improving themselves. I have known many people who really are lucky to live with wealthy lives with literal zero effort in life. But I also truly believes that happiness can't be given, it can only be earned or found. Some people are lucky because they were born with privilege. But people who work hard and find their own luck are truly admirable.
Alright, that is everything I can remember for now. This might not be helpful to some of you. But if you find it helpful, then I am happy that I helped someone today.
Until next time,
I will see you soon.
Giselle
/
大家好～～～好久不見
我在十二月初前回台灣兩週，之後回倫敦過聖誕節。
回到正題，今天寫這篇是要來分享進入20後半的人生中，一些看似不是非常重要，卻一路上伴隨著我，且雕塑著我的人格的一些價值觀。藉著寫下這篇文章，當作對自己的一個反省，且在接下來的日子裡，謙虛地繼續往前走。
本來想要想出十個，但是我實在是想不出來那麼多個 （真不可取）。我看看我奔三的時候寫不寫得出來哈哈。
以下七個 Small life lessons 來跟大家分享
一， 在處理問題之前，先處理情緒。
凡是人都有情緒，有脾氣，有眉眉角角。這些負面的情緒也可能隨時都會找上我們。適時的舒壓解放心靈也不外乎為古今中外凡人的健康行為。
往往在情緒來的時候，也伴隨著某種事件，或是某種問題。這個事件是“壓垮駱駝的最後一根稻草“，然後情緒排山倒海的淹沒理智。
在這種情況裡，有一個方法真的幫助我很多。就是在解決問題之前，先把情緒解決完，尤其是氣憤的情緒。在生氣的時候，千萬不能急著把問題解決，在情緒高漲的時候，很有可能會說出自己後悔的話，可能會影響自己的判斷力。
先讓不滿的感覺都散發完，可以哭，可以沮喪，可以狼狽。讓情緒稍微收拾一下，再來討論問題的所在。用冷靜的大腦，成熟的判斷，可以大幅減低問題的複雜度，也不會在事後後悔自己的言行。
但是，若要每次都能完美的做到，是有滿高的難度的。我們很常在受傷難過生氣的時候，就很急的想要解釋自己，想要一股腦地狂說。所以我也覺得這點要做到不容易。不過每件事都有必經的學習曲線，每一次有比上一次做得更好，就是進步了。
二。別在生氣的時候做決定，別再開心的時候給承諾。
接續上一點，我們在生氣的時候，做出來的決定可能是一時衝動的後果，比如一生氣就跟男友說要分手。在我們極度開心的時候，也不要亂給別人承諾，以免自己在事後兌不了現，這樣不僅打破了約定，還讓人感受不佳。
三。別輕易被擊垮。
好這點真的太老調重彈，你可能已經翻白眼了。但是這點真的很難做到，每天一大堆想放棄的事情，一大堆妥協跟選擇。。
心理學中常提到的：習得的無助。我們的大腦會再重複的挫折中選擇放棄，快的話，只需要六分鐘就能讓你放棄。如果一直告訴大家永不放棄的話，可能太過神化人性了，但是要如何去辨別何時該改變策略，何時該堅持下去，且不在下次嘗試的時候不被前一次的表現影響，是很重要的。
我有時候被沮喪淹沒，不相信自己的能力。挫折感很強烈，逃避是最簡單的，又可以拒絕面對現實。
我會在很想放棄的時候，再嘗試最後一次，如果真的做不到的話，那麼至少我沒有後悔。我也可以拍拍自己的肩膀，告訴自己盡力了，且為自已的勇氣驕傲。
雖然不想講的很噁心但是人生不外乎就是一連串的選擇。我們也都希望自己在這條路上多做了一些正確的決定，接下來五年我也會繼續的在這條路上小心奕奕的前進。
四。從最簡單的開始
今年我要去健身房，今年我要讀十本書，今年我要學日文，今年我要這樣，今年我要那樣。
在這些林林總總的年度目標之中，你我都明白執行率可以說是世紀低。
對我來說，我想要在三十歲之前考到一定程度的法檢，然後三十之後可以學個日文這類的。但是要在忙碌的生活中坐下來讀語言，是很困難的。所以我會從最簡單的開始。我現在能做的最簡單的是什麼，可能是第一課。那麼我就看第一課。
十天後我第一課可能看了十次，有什麼收穫嗎？或許沒有。但是我比十天前又往前一點點了。 這樣就夠了，這就是滴水成河，積沙成塔。
不論妳最後離目標有多遠，都比完全沒開始還要近得多了。
五。你做得越多，你能做的也越多
這句話是美國版的風尚雜誌總編輯安娜。溫圖說的。跟上一點有一點點的關聯性。
這個信條給我了很多的鼓勵，也覺得很多事情我應該想做就去做。
舉例來說，我在大三的時候用了空檔的時間考了商業華語教學的證照，還考了普通話。在上大學之前我還在專業的合唱團唱了十年。
也許在人生的某個階段，我會想學開飛機，或許我會想學小提琴。不論是什麼，多做多嘗試多學習，都是很好的事。
六。這世界太大，我的問題太小。
我們常常聽到有人怨天尤人，每一件大事小事芝麻雞毛綠豆都可以靠腰。我也不例外，出門在外只要一不順心，馬上打電話給姊妹抱怨，在訂燒肉餐廳吃到飽，邊吃邊抱怨。
但是我有時候會往後一坐，想想自己多麽的幸運，餐餐溫飽，頭上有個屋頂，沒有什麼真正的危機。
別人的生活都會看起來比你好，你有的煩惱別人也有。過日子，如果什麼都要比，會很難過的，比上不足，比下有餘。知足常樂，我有愛的人，也有人愛我。就很心滿意足了。
七。幸運是準備與機會的相遇。
有此一說（我覺得啦）幸運的人會為自己創造幸運。我深深的相信這一點，也有很深刻的體悟。可能是因為幸運地會把很多機會當做轉機且大展身手，幸運的事情會隨之而來。
我也認識很多人完全就是金湯匙，富二三代，這輩子沒工作過，自我中心，天真無邪。但是我真心相信快樂是不能被給予的，要自己尋找，自己獲得。有些人資質平庸卻一輩子穿金戴銀開直昇機。能讓人真心敬佩的卻是用自己的努力，創造自己的幸運的那群菁英。
以上大約七點可能不乏老調重彈，可能對你毫無幫助，但有一件事情你可以相信我。就是你在努力的時候，我也在，大家都在。
那我們下次見！
下一篇來寫倫敦工作紀錄！終於脫離學校開始上班了！！
Giselle
